Thursday, 9 December 2010

Wednesday, 24 November 2010

If the shoe fits.........or not

Oh.......aaargh!........there we go, frustration coming out on this fine gloomy November
morning. Well it was the unanimous decision to go shopping for 'go with anything
leather boots' last weekend in our local shopping metropolis of everything footwear
related. I was very good and dressed down for the day with black bondage trousers,
full length vampire coat and killer (or just having been killed as Moomin put it)
makeup with very long pvc gloves to top it off. is my rant of the day,
why is it that most 'go with anything leather boots' seem to be built for the
averagely proportioned girl with legs that would make a chicken very proud.
Oh you know the score...."zip going going....oh, it's not going any further."
Maybe it's the fact that we come from generations of quality Dartmoor stock
(walking up hills....and....walking down hills) but I never considered my legs to be
anything other than normal and not even edging into the 'ladies with sturdy pins
department' so why do none of these boots seem to fit?
Having been defeated by the elusive 'go with everything leather boot pixies' I decided
it was time to indulge in one of my 'five a day' ...."I need apple products"
I giggled as we entered one of my biggest fetishistic emporiums, namely the
apple store for a session in gazing wistfully at future soon to be purchased shiny
toys. I decided that it would be a good idea to mark each product of desire with
a bright red lipsticky kiss of passion but the sales girl had other ideas when I
approached a 27 inch imac with the kind of look a fox gives a chicken shortly
before dismantling it for teatime, "hi guys, you having a good day".......I gave her
the broody undead stare as I REALLY dislike being referred to as 'GUYS!'
"well if you must, we have had problems finding....OH WHERE DID YOU
GET THOSE BOOTS?" I suddenly deviated on noticing the sales girl's
footwear.....conversation turned to more important issues which provided Moomin
and I with a website for 'go with anything, yes even for you weirdy girl...leather boots'
putting the very near purchase of the 27 inch imac on hold...well for now.
Ipad covers though....well thats a completely new rant...don't get me started!

Tuesday, 2 November 2010


It was a dark and moody Dartmoor last Sunday, the moor was shrouded in mist and
drizzle and only the bravest warrior would venture 'up top' where they would be under the
watchful eyes of the spirits and demons of all Hallow's eve that were lurking on the
granite tors and windswept open spaces....waiting, just waiting to catch the weary
and unsuspecting traveller off guard where they would be torn from the comfort and
safety of our world and into eternal damnation of burning torment where their memory
would be but a shadow on the wind that cries "remember me...remember me, for now my
soul is one with the land and my memory is but the passing clouds, my body is the
sodden earth and my breath still whispers.....remember me, for now I am gone"

Thursday, 14 October 2010

Waxing Lyrical

Right! clear things up...I am not a hairy girl thank you!
my good friend, quad-biking super beautician and other half to my very best friend Mca,
has now moved into the realm of all things waxy and 'hair be banished for eternity"
it seems that she needs and indeed insists on ripping hairs out of anything with a
pulse as she practices the art of hair removal, an art I believe that became very
popular during the period known as the Spanish Inquisition-
"come on up and I'll do your legs" she says "you will feel sooo much better when you
get your legs out"eh?.....get your legs you think that I keep them in a box?
as it turns out, my legs were indeed 'out' the other day when I decided to take
some impossibly proportioned heels for a test drive around the grave yard with
Byron.....I wasn't aware of any hair related problems....the usual wide eyed
'OMG a vampire lurking between the memorials' looks came from random
members of the public, but at no time did any of them say "ooo, scary's
legs need some VEET application....bad hairs!"
ahh...Sunday saw Nic,Mca and I going for a fairly hefty walk from Lustleigh up to
Hunters Tor via the river...a spooky start in the mist saw Nic photographing pretty
much every mushroom in sight, while Mca stood at the base of the 'split pinnacle'
rock and gave some serious thought to climbing up it by himself (there's a special
climbing phrase for that activity....I think it was 'tempting death' or something like that)
we eventually got to the river where I unceremoniously fell in the mud, moving
on we soon arrived at the top where we had tuna bagels "er...Amelia, camera bag,
camera bag" came the observation from Nic....."aarggh, thats going to smell" I
replied as I tried to remove the fishy lumps that had escaped from my lunch time
treat and ended up all over my gucci Lowe Pro bag and shiny stuff...I tried to
take a landscape 'joiner' of the tor silhouetted against the blue sky and sun but due
to the very bad positioning of one 'beardy weirdy' right in mid shot (he had no top was soooo wrong, he may have thought that I was trying to take a sneaky
peak at his 'man jugs').................................I aborted that idea
as I sat on the couch in the beauty spa after having a totally orgasmic facial, the
voices from behind the curtain next to me went like this...."no, waxing the under
arms doesn't hurt as much as the legs" the client/victim was still complaining about
her very sore legs "ok...there may be a tiny bit of blood...ready....steady
fffffffffrrrrriiiiiiiiippppppp! "YAAAAARRGH F...K YOU....THAT BLOODY KILLS
AAAAAAAAAAAAAAARGH".......................Nic........the answer's NO!

Thursday, 30 September 2010

Autumn Ramblings

ok...I'm really excited, tomorrow is the first of October and that means the witching
month has arrived- Halloween's coming YAY!
the season is changing into the most mooky and inspirational month of the year
for me so I'm out all the time with my 'serious' camera getting working photos-
last Sunday we found ourselves in yet another woodland mooching about with no real
agenda...I did however make a promise to myself that I wouldn't be jumping out the
holly bushes on any passing jolly ramblers like last passing resemblance to
a forest vampire is pretty good, so I opted for the possible coronary inducing antics
to be kept to a minimum..we did find the best rope swing that Moomin couldn't get on,
I could though and laughed at her as she had to just stand there pouting due to her
missing out on the swinging action...the pout didn't last, it turned to hysterical laughter
as I unceremoniously fell on my face when I tried the glamorous
lippy, check hair, brush off leaves and then commence chasing Moomin along the
track, weilding my tripod like a three pronged samurai sword- It wasn't until we ended
up in our usual tea drinking parlor that I noticed black is the wrong colour to wear
for the purpose of rolling about in dirt-
ooo I had an idea....'cyber slumber'- this is how it goes,
1: tell as many girl (or boy) friends to kindly pass on the information
2: choose a night when there's a good film on the tv (this is SLUMBERNIGHT!)
3: popcorn, cider, chocolates, nibbles (face masks optional)
4: everyone get ready on facebook chat
5: comfy slippers, bat jammies, fluffy hoodies, well you get the picture
6: commence the slumber!
dreads dreads dreads....oh I'm now in the middle of contemplation about the next
batch of hair falls that I'm going to have to back comb into wearability- my friend Nic
is in dire need for some due to her ever looming nuptials next year to which I'm
invited, so I need a dress but better avoid that little pvc number that I have had my
little eye on over there at the lovely keeps talking to me by saying
"buy me...yooo neeed me"
ooh I do and I will, the only thing is that a pvc minidress isn't, well...appropriate
..........or is it?

Saturday, 18 September 2010


I am having the most bonkers and
weirdest dreams at the moment...I think it's because the seasons are changing
or something like that, anyway somebody once told me to write them down..
but no, I can do one better than that being an illustrator there we go
HA HA!....beat you to it Moomin.....DEPP'S MINE!

Tuesday, 31 August 2010

groundhog day with spilt tea

Pauley Perrette has her 'threeoclockdance' break and we really love that idea- just imagine
it became compulsory...a divorcing couple throwing plates and arguing over who gets
 custody of the dog and...."uh oh, it's 3 o clock...better shimmy!" or the fighting ninja
assassins in mid tango "you move delightfully Moonshadow Star San, but when we finish
this erotic dance of love.....I must kill you, your family, your friends, your friend's family....
and your goldfish!"- well now....I have noticed that I have a similar thing, not always at
three o clock, but at least once a day, every day!
what happens is that I have a tendency of at least ONE moment of involuntary madness-
this is the most recent example of what is best described as totally unnecessary behavior   
a popular Dartmoor tor based eatery out of the back of a van..(names have been changed
to protect the innocent) Moomin and I were to meet friends there but they became very
lost somewhere between Chagford and Bovey so it allowed us indulge in tea based
activities..."hey it's three o clock anyway" so tea was requested and the large, scary burger
lady obliged- she placed two mugs on the sparkling worktop and turned away for the was at precisely this moment that I noticed the purple mug...I wanted it,
unfortunately Moomin had the same idea and after the tea was filled to the brim, both
our hands grabbed hold of it-"don't you want the yellow one?" Moomin asked "
I want this one" I said, tightening my grip- we both tugged it in opposing directions which
caused tea to spill all over large, scary burger lady's worktop...she gave us both a really hard stare stopping the squabbling, well.... for a bit- grabbing the yellow mug too, we both
accompanied the purple chalice  back to my car, spilling tea painfully down our legs-
back at the car I visually followed the typhoo trail back to the van where large, scary burger
lady was still mopping up at giving us mature, grown up girls an even harder stare out of the 
window- looking down I had now noticed that there wasn't much tea left in the purple
mug....I bit my lip and giggled "ok Moomin, I'm going to be soo lovely and let you have this,
 I will settle for the yellow one" Moomin had the same idea " oh no, I insist you have it"
both our grips tightened around the yellow mug now causing tea to pour all over our
feet with burning drips- eventually we both gazed down at the empty mugs and felt quite
ashamed, especially when the mugs had to be returned to large, scary burger lady who was 
still giving us both a 'perishing look' "trouble making goths!" I imagined she was thinking
when purchasing tea...ask for two identical mugs....
failing that...rock,paper,scissors,lizard,spock 

Tuesday, 24 August 2010

never...ever...come between a girl and her shoes

the man stood on the doorstep with a box...."ooh I know what this is" I said with a
large amount of excitement in my voice- after doing the rubbish signature on his
gizmo box thingy, I slammed the door and made for the bedroom....all was too
quite...I wasn't happy- suddenly, without warning, there was a thunder of footsteps
as the shoe assassin attacked- Moomin also knew what was in the box and had
decided to beat me to it's bounty....we crashed to the floor as we grabbed for the box in
a tangled mass of dreads and stripey socks..."aha" I breathlessly gasped as I managed
to get to my feet...but to no avail as Moomin grasped my ankle sending sparawling
over the bed and down the other side- the box crashed onto the floor and moomin
started peeling at the tape..I picked up my big floor cushion and whacked her 
around the back of the head..."cripes, that's done it!" I murmered as Moomin suddenly
turned her attention to me...we both ran down the stairs again screaming as it
was obviously my turn for large pillow whackage in the melon department- now in
the kitchen we grabbed hold of each others hair and started tugging "ow ow ow"
we both went "get off get off" CRASH!..................oo....................the large glass jar
containing several hundred gogo crazybones was now on the floor, luckily intact but
it was enough to stop the carnage "ok, let's be sensible about this" I said "yes, after
all we are grown ups " came Moomin's reply....I was off, taking three steps at a time I
grabbed the box and ran into my studio locking the door.....AND.........RELAX!
well the final outcome, I won....and as Moomin snapped me above lounging in her boudoir
wearing the spoils of war, she asked "well..can I at least borrow them?"......biting my
lip and thinking for a moment I replied..."course you can Moomin, course you can"
thank you demonia...lovely shoes....but oh, the conflict

Friday, 13 August 2010

sulking pixie

right at this very moment in space and time I am eating what can only be described as
HUUUUGE pear drops while listening to Lemon Jelly and stewing in my own gothic
juices at the tragic and unfortunate loss of a soon to be purchased pair of shoes
with serial killer heels (a much more serious proposition than killer heels ).....they
were no longer there when I looked.....sold (I imagine) to another weak willed and slightly disturbed type with an involuntary shoe fetish like me....ohhhhhhh.....sulk!

Monday, 9 August 2010

zen and the art of broadbeans

I am not a 'techno-scaredycat' in fact I openly embrace technology with both arms....
but today....let's just say that my patience is being put to the test in a very large
way- the reason, I have just entered into a fairly heated exchange with my 'time
machine'......he's actually arguing with me (nice programming apple people)
"ooo you haven't backed up for one hundred and seventy days, your such a naughty 
girl, I'm not totally sure that you have enough space for this latest backup......
I suggest you go away for a bit and think about your over casual attitude young lady while
I decide if I really want to perform your latest and I'm telling your iphone!"
-well it went something like that-
yesterday saw Moomin and I mooching around the Riverside gallery in Bovey (mostly for tea drinking purposes but also to look at the shiny, pretty things)- I was looking at a vase 
(I think) when I heard the yell "oooooooooloookatthat!" coming from the gallery's
direction- I rushed over to find Moomin gazing with love pasted all over her face as she 
stared at this ordinary coat....oh no...A RED AND ORANGE FELT COAT!
"I must have it" I said in a clinical and matter of fact way, we then bowed our heads in the 
customary manner to review the price...this caused both Moomin and myself to stand
bolt upright and take one step back at the same time..."correction I really want it but
oh no...three thousand pounds" cue the pout- so I decided to take a photo to send
to my friend who makes felt things ", don't want to attract attention" I
said raising the camera discreetly CLICK......FOOOSH- actually flash...on, attention
most definitely attracted- "that's done it" whispered Moomin "we're for it now"
"why's that" I replied "are we gonna get arrested by the 'craft police'
with that, we casually strolled out of the exit while the lady with the blue rinse gave me
(the one with the purple rinse) a really hard stare-  
talking of Moomin, I recently introduced her to the delights of the Mighty Boosh-
I wasn't sure if it would raise a smirk but at one point there was herbal tea coming
out of her nose job here is done-
finally, something a bit random- I recently mentioned to one of my bonkers relatives that I was in the middle of changing my broadband for faster download speeds....."oo, it
possible to download broadbeans on the internet?" came the reply....
oh I hope it's not catching! 

Wednesday, 14 July 2010

summer faerie

well I sat there, peering out from under my parasol at the large men with even
larger beards all swiping at each other with big sticks as they danced
lightly backwards and forwards in time to the diddly diddly music that echoed
up the valley........well that was last year and with those images still
fresh in my mind, Moomin and I decided to go to the Belstone summer fayre last
Sunday to get another folk fix (as it was July.....and you just have to)
Arriving late it seemed that all of north Dartmoor was there as we had to park the car
just out of the village!- a pain as we had to negotiate point A (the car)
to point B (the fayre) via point T (trees) as the sun (point S) was scorching and
I had to maintain tree cover as 1 I burn easy and 2 it takes a lot of effort to 
keep this translucent vampyrish complexion intact- 
Mca and Nic had already parked in the shade and had gone off up to
the very exiting sounding 'white spider directissma' to climb up rocks......I fancied
the idea of sitting on top of that one looking all windswept and moody but, er..
wrong time of day to be doing that plus the fact my freckles tend to
come out in daylight and that's such a bad look for me- 
hey...we found another potential home for angelvixen in the shape of the old
telegraph office that had the coolest door, all archy and gothic with studs
and things- ideas seem to flow between us before a very small horse
walked up and  decided to be my very best friend covering me in 
ginger horse hairs- eventually we caught up with Nic and Mca
in the car park and decided that ice cream from the service station 
and a game of 'match the customer to the car' should be the next move
before teatime......service station lady chuckled "fab ice lolly for the 
sporty outdoor type girly covered in chalky stuff.....magnum dark for 
the goth chick covered in.....ewww orange hair!" 

Saturday, 3 July 2010

"yooo what!" you can see, 'noriko' is ready for the fibreglass mould to be fitted which resulted
in me paying a visit to the the "24 hour world of tools and stuff" to buy the 
things to make a start-I was greeted by a fairly young guy who made me feel at
ease as this was clearly 'man world' when it came to purchasing glass fibre
products-just before I could enquire, 'young guy' was immediately replaced by
'big guy with moustache' who gave me a fairly frosty look and asked
"can I help?" making me feel as though I was under scrutiny from the counter
staff-"er..I need some gelcoat"I started to say but was cut off mid sentence by
'magnum PI'......"oh yes, gelcoat, what sort and what for, there are many kinds,
it can be very complicated!" he softened" hee hee, I mean it's not something as
straightforward as painting your nails is it love?"
cue me...I glared back across the counter as I started to see red from behind my
fixed gaze " sounds as though you know a lot about painting your nails"
I responded to 'magnum PI'..."do you borrow your girlfriend's when she is
out or do you buy your own....oh, forgive me, I am presuming a lot, you may 
actually be sharing your boyfriend's instead"
I was seeing red and by now'magnum PI was turning a very impressive shade of
it as well..."so to recap" I said "tooling so I can polish up the surface
for the PVA release agent and wax  for the three part mould"
"I will get it for you" 'magnum PI' said as he scurried off out back-
"nice" said one of the other guys "he can be such a tool sometimes....well done"
"I haven't even started yet" I said in a low voice as I stared back through
narrowing eyes-"here you go" 'magnumPI said as he gave me the bits that I
had asked for "thank you" I said " there is one thing you can help me with as 
you are obviously very knowledgeable and know more about the subject than me"
'magnum PI' looked like he had the chance to redeem himself by answering
a fibreglass related question "the problem I'm having" I said " is streaks and can I avoid these when I put on really dark purple nail varnish?" 


Wednesday, 30 June 2010


"ok Amelia" mca said "this is how it will go....I climb the paint them"- after a real lengthy discussion about exactly what this bit at Bonehill is called, 'the wave', 'the green room' well there was a name for it, I'm pretty sure there was, hmmm
oh I don't know, it's a guy know, bouldering and testosterone and "it's a V10, nah it's a V20" whatever that means...needless to say mca did really well climbing it right up to the point of major plummetation, " it's a V-harder than it looks" I commented to the not so amused pumped and chalky types looking daggers at the gobby goth chick who was now chuckling away to herself under her dreads...anyway, the painting is done...varnish going on tomorrow so long as it isn't too hot and  oh I am
still waiting for the title please mr. mca.....oo.....I think that I may have really exceeded my caffeine intake this morning, my hands seem to leave mini vapour trails when I move them sooo, um, what to do...I know, a lie down with Byron and a bit of Morcheeba

Tuesday, 29 June 2010


am I in a mood?...thinks for a minute...well ok, yes- picture this-
I have just walked a fairly long way in this very hot heat, with all this hair
to the cake emporium to purchase...well, cake you see-
I point at the large thing that may or may not contain nuts and the cake lady
hands me it with the request for thirty pence due to the aforementioned cake 
being on what she called a 'special'-
I returned to the studio with a very large grin on my pale and anemic face
due to my triumphant purchase (there's nothing as unnerving to the 
casual bystander as a smiling really!)
as I climb the stairs swinging my soon to be devoured richly glazed
e-numberfest  from the corner of the white paper bag, there was a
slightly audible 'shhhrp' closely followed by a highly audible
'doof doof doof' as my prize cake descended the stairs without me-
I now sit here cross legged on the floor picking, well I really
don't know what off the fluffy and slightly tarnished icing.....
I may be some time, in fact it will soon be tea time so the answer to my first yes!

"oi abby"

er...what? I replied...
well, not exactly the first time really that I've had that bellowed at me from
across a carpark or crowded ale house, this time it just happened to be
morrisons' 'just outside the coffee shop bit' (there's no real technical term
for it) from a very smartly dressed sort carrying a rather excessive
(well I thought it was) amount of croissants
"oo no" I half replied "Pauley Perrette is extremely
I'm just pretty extreme", exit stage right

kigurumi or not to kigurumi

oooo...deep sigh,
well it's been six weeks since I started to sculpt that kigurumi
mask from polystyrene and clay and she is still staring at me from across the
bedroom in that "so when are you going to finish me" fashion....yes yes I know
is the reply to Noriko (that is what she will be called when she is finally
popped out of the fibreglass mould)...mca has first dibs on Noriko version 1
for the up and coming fancy dress extravaganza that is Lou's party in St.Mellion
on my favourite day of the year...HALLOWEEN!
hmmm...thoughts...just picturing mca right now, lumbering around across the
border in Trev's pub dressed as a very scary 6ft manga sailor moon type
assassin with his bright pink hello kitty M16
hee hee, sooo cool, oh but I have to finish the mask though...mood now!