Tuesday, 22 February 2011

Subterranean Terrors

Next door lady just so happened to inform me the other morning as to the plight of her
household plumbing and as it was a bit too early for me to take in the intricacies and
traumatically over descriptive reason why she needed 'men in'......I promptly forgot.
Fine....the technicality of our complicated drain workings due to the age of our
properties meant that all blockages had to be dealt with almost inside my house due to
the incredibly bad positioning of the inspection hatch just on the inside of my rear door.
The problem....well lets just say that my house becomes uninhabitable due to the
comparative smell as to that of the pig farm just down the road at mucking out time.
Well now..the weather is officially starting to annoy me as it has started to play havoc
with my shoes and I am sick and tired of deviating around woodlands and muddy
areas in case my Demonias get grubby. All this at the time that I need to be outside
getting more photos and working images for the next series of paintings that I
am starting. Pre-raphaelite gothic goddesses in moody landscapes wearing floaty dresses
with and armour and faeries and stuff...oh my, that's a mouthful.
Yikes I've gone of the path again. So, having forgotten about the drain issue that had
been related to me in the morning, it was eventually evening and Moomin and I were in
slumber mode with typical girlie slumber clothing, nibbles and an endless supply
of chick flicks on the go. All of a sudden there was a yellow flashing light coming up
the lane which parked right outside my house. As the light illuminated the front room
Moomin and I looked at each other quizzically. "Alright love...where is the blockage?" said
a man's voice to next door lady. "OH.....I FORGOT......DRAIN MEN!" I whispered.
Through the door I could make out two figures in orange who started to pull open
drain covers. I very quickly explained to Moomin (in hushed tones) as to why we
can't let them in (pig farm) and we would have to be very quiet. "Pretend we aren't in"
whispered Moomin "that's it.....but, er the lights are on"
The men had now gone around the back and there were noises of tools and hoses
moving under the house with gushing water jets. "Er....hide!" I said and with that we
both dived on the floor and crawled under the coffee table as we pretended that we
were out or something. One of the men was now back at the front and was making
disapproving sounds as to the fact that the drain was still blocked. Then there was a
gushing sound and I was convinced that the hatch near the kitchen was going to be blown
upwards showering my house in next door lady's ........ooh I don't want to even think
about it. By now Moomin was having a huge fit of the giggles which started me off.
"Two grown up girls hiding under the table from men with boiler suits and a hosepipe
and a big van with yellow flashing lights, heheheheheh" it was mentioned.
All of a sudden there were two figures outside, this time though they were making
satisfied 'man sounds'...."ah there we go it's all gone now" one said. "Yes...
time for the pub then" said the other and with that they were gone.
Moomin and I lay there for a bit longer and when I had plucked up enough courage
I jumped up and peered out of the window. "Oh good....they've gone, lets get back
to chick flicks and dips"
I recently saw next door lady and there was no mention of the drain, however I did
give her some money off vouches for 'all bran' and some 'fruit and fibre' cereal...
well she may take the hint!

Thursday, 10 February 2011

Blythe Faerie Trauma

Recently I have been lurking around woodlands in a moody victorian style with the hope
of coming across tree faeries again. Mca happened to pass comment about something to
do with madness and boxes of frogs or something but I chose to ignore it.
However, he did notice that Luna my faerie doll bore a striking resemblance to another
doll that he was holding in his very hands not three months ago.
"Exactly the same googly eyes and enormous head" he said as he examined Luna in
a very methodical manner. As Luna was of the Blythe tribe I enquired if he was at a toy
fair or antique market. "Er...charity shop" he said..."WHAT!" I said.
He went on "yes a basket that announced, small toys 50p and large toys £1.50...I assumed
that the doll was in the large toy category"......."WHAT!" I repeated, now clearly with
visible signs of what best can be described as tears of disbelief welling up behind my
extremely black (but luckily waterproof) lashes.
"Noooo, this can't be" I said as I grabbed hold of mca and dragged him into my studio.
I fired up my sleeping imac and googled Blythe dolls and then pointed at the screen.
"You see the prices.....eh...look, look" I yowled as I carried on frantically tapping
at the the shiny images. "Oh.....OH!" mca replied "clearly the £1.50 may well have been
regarded as somewhat of a bargain" he went on. "Yes" I said in a hushed voice "I think
I need a bit of a lie down"
"Drama queen" he shouted after me as I floated off in the direction of my room.......
I won't tell you what I shouted back!