Tuesday, 28 February 2012

Amelia's Curious Series of Unfortunate Events.

"So can you do it?" I had to think long and hard about the answer "I really need you for
this, you're the only person that I know who is a bit, well......odd....pleeeease!"
"Oh, alright" I replied.
Well then, that will be me modelling again in the not too distant future, for
my good friend's illuminating and fantastical display of nail sculpting and creativity.
My reluctance is fairly evident due to my previous visitation to the salon of all things
'pink and evil', where slightly over preened peroxide maidens pointed and
whispered as to the presence of the raven haired maiden who ended up shifting
uncomfortably in her seat for the duration of the experimental treatment that she
were to encounter there.
Not that I am adverse to the wonders of turning my badly chipped and damaged nails
into extremely gorgeous and perfect creations of feminine beauty, it's just that
my creative side tends to whisk me delicately through the air and deposit me
unceremoniously with a thump back at the drawing board once my hands become
involved with Dremel drills and such objects of destruction.
The other day, my hands were doing precisely that. At long last I have decided to
exhibit some of the photos from the Camera Obscura series, the chosen method of
display shall be the inclusion of Victorian style curio cases. These shall hold objects
which have a certain relevance towards the chosen subjects. One such case has
a ghostly floating dolls head.....actually, a dolls face that has been removed with
quite some exertion via the means of a very sharp serrated kitchen knife. During the
horrendous act where the toy doll and her face were quietly parting company, I had
to stop my sawing in mid saw. I viewed the scene as something quite awful
and horrendous, then I remembered the peroxide preen queens from the salon
after which I carried on sawing this time with some renewed enthusiastic vigour.
Remaining with the 'at long last' expression, the Vanstone 'construction' studio is
now occupied and enjoying the sounds of banging, crashing, music and also
providing yet another environment for me to mangle my nails in. I must admit that
the use of two separate studios, at times seems a trifle excessive but the battle
over land occupation between my artwork and shoes had come to a speedy and
fairly conclusive finale with the purchase of some very high, black strappy
heels that performed the same act as that of the proverbial straw with the
unfortunate camel's back.
For reasons unknown, various people have made it their mission to purchase
all sorts of oddities and weird toys for the inclusion in the up and coming show,
now it appears that I am becoming overrun with this random assortment.
I shall use this opportunity to bid you all an enormous thank you but......
please stop, I really couldn't justify the acquiring of Vanstone studio number three.
(On a completely random note, I had a delightful comparison made to me the other
day, apparently I reminded somebody of a younger Morticia Addams, this put a huge
grin on my face which unfortunately ruined the likeness as I can't recall if she
actually smiled or not.)
The very springlike feel on Dartmoor has me now waking from my winter slumber
and wanting to learn new things. Of course when I say learn, I really don't mean
learn as in 'I have learnt that Macbooks dislike gin and tonic' or 'I have learnt that it
is probably not a good idea to cut cardboard with a scalpel on the carpet' oh I could
go on, but no, I mean learn as in the ability to carve wood or advanced metalwork...
that sort of thing. The current series of work has left me with the burning desire to
discover how to use old fashioned crafts with real materials as opposed to
plastic.......I really dislike plastic. No doubt one of the reasons why the casual
telephonic sales caller who tries to sell me plastic doors or windows will suffer the
full wrath of Amelia as they try to talk me into discarding my two hundred year old
hand made oak framed windows for some identically proportioned windows made
recycled yoghurt pots of something similar.
I shall now be returning to the studio to separate more heads from the shoulders
of innocent, badly painted, straw haired dolls, all in the name of creativity. Thinking
about it, I could do exactly the same thing when my presence is required in the
'pink palace of beauty salon' later this month......well I can pretend.
I can just picture the pale and anaemic one who is the only person smiling to
herself as she mentally lops the heads off of the orange faced individuals.

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