Thunk!.....doomf doomf doomf, it went at precisely 5 am this morning, right across
my roof, and then it was gone. 1855, rural Devon....on the night of the 8th and 9th of
February, there was a light snowfall across the shire and the following morning.....
there was panic, as for exactly one hundred miles and almost in a straight line, there
were hoof like prints found in the whiteness. They went along the ground, through
woodlands, across streams, over trees, over haystacks and most importantly.....
over the roofs of many houses. This true story had no explanation however, it was
reported by several eye witnesses that they had seen a 'devil' like figure, running and
jumping at great speed just before the sun rose......so, guess what was on my mind at
exactly 5 am today! Logical Amelia was really put to the test with this one, and
hoping to make myself feel less frightened by my early morning visitation I
eventually concluded.....roof badgers....they have finally evolved the ability to
climb up ladders or mossy wall growth.
This month has certainly been filled with angst riddled tantrums and proverbial
spanners tossed casually into the well oiled workings of my creativity by lady fate.
I am currently typing this hunched over my macbook instead of lounging with the
wireless keyboard on my lap and staring at a large screen. The reason.....well the
hard drive on my iMac is going through it's 'dying swan' phase as when it all gets
too much, he places the back of his cyber hand against his furrowed cyber brow and
sighs "oh it's all getting too much, I really don't know if I can go on any longer"
and then promptly feigns a camp Shakespearian faint into sleep mode. I am now
getting sick and tired of our clandestine and regular meetings in the gardens of
disc utility. I really don't fancy another trip to the genius bar to be told by an Apple
genius the bleeding obvious as that really doesn't require a genius. "You should
work here" I was told last time by someone I really didn't want to classify as a genius
as it seemed that they were lacking. "Nope" I replied " issues you see with the
blue tee shirt with the white Apple logo, I may consider it if Mr. Jobs provided
me with a black tee emblazoned with a golden hybrid apple/skull logo that was
being held by a black widow spider set in front sacrificial virgins tied to flaming
pc towers.........can I have one please please please?"
Another mild irritation is the seemingly endless supply of spindly spiders. It's
almost as if a large truck had pulled up outside and a lorry driver type with a
clipboard announced "two ton of assorted arachnids love, where do you want the
spindly spiders?" Well at the moment I am leaving them be as the do tend to
eat the woodworms that were delivered another truck load on a previous occasion.
I just don't like doing that wavy hand thing that people do when they walk into
webs as from outside it must look like I'm doing some really naff dance routine
to the casual passer by. I really need a good night's sleep.....thats at least
until 5 am tomorrow when the devil makes his return journey.